ALICE IN WONDERLAND

By Mike White

"ANNOUCEMENT: The Motion Picture You are about to see is new. Brand New. It contains sequences never before seen on this or any screen. After "Alice In Wonderland" was released there was speculation that additional footage had been shot during production but not included in the film. The speculation was correct. At that time the producer thought it would be prudent not to include this footage.

The producer has finally relented. The public should be allowed to see this motion picture as it was intended to be shown."

No, this wasn't the Criterion Edition of Disney's classic animated film but the X-rated version of Bud Townsend's adult film that was cut to an R to show in more theaters. Did I forget to include the word "musical"? Yes, that's right - a musical.

Ah, those were the days. Call me a weirdo but I long for adult films that have plots and that could actually be watched and enjoyed when cut down to R rated films (see CdC #1 for a long tirade).

But don't think that this is some prissy soft core tease-o- rama. No! (Especially not after the hard-core bits were spliced back in). This is the "standard" Lewis Caroll story with a few new twists and turns, of course. Alice is a post-pubescent prude that follows a guy in a bunny suit through a mirror into a strange land. There she enters a house that is too small for her so she drinks some potion to shrink her down but her clothes remain actual size so she puts on a sheet and goes out into the strange new world.

In her travels she meets some strange cat creatures that lick her all over, gives head to the Mad Hatter (whose tag on his top hat stands for something other than his chapeau size), watches Tweedle Dee (a man) and Tweedle Dum (a woman) have sex and a slo-mo pillow fight, asks the musical question "What's a nice girl like you doing on a Knight like that?" has sex with the king (who is an awful actor but one hell of a bongo player), and is tried for her virginity—each with its own original song and dance number!!!

At one point in the film there is an abrupt cut followed by a long lesbian scene between two women in nurse hats who later (after an abrupt cut back) show up to help stimulate Humpty Dumpty who's great "fall" is a not-at-all veiled reference to his impotence. Sure, ALICE IN WONDERLAND has restored footage but it seems that in some instances it's not been restored back to the right places!

It's pretty easy to spot where the extra stuff has been re-added since the film is in a bit better condition and usually has penetration or cum shots and a jump in the music is a dead giveaway like the repeated measures at the end over Alice's boyfriend's climax and then is repeated over hers.

Alice is played by Kristine De Bell who is kind of good looking at times and like a Mongoloid at others. Of course this film looks like it was shot in the late seventies/early eighties so no one is looking as good as they could. My friend, Andrew, tells me that she was in an episode of Night Court - other than that, I can't find a filmography of her. No one else in the cast is of that much note to me (perhaps to other readers) except for Larry Spelman as the white rabbit. He's been in a ton of things but, of course, I can only place him with certainty as the Coreys' Detroit burger boss in NATIONAL LAMPOON'S LAST RESORT. Maybe it was ALICE IN WONDERLAND on his resume that got him the job.

ALICE was a great watch—very fun and semi-erotic. Even though the print was kind of bad, I'm not complaining.